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The Ghantas (TheGhantas.com) are an awards function that celebrate, reward and lampoon the worst of Bollywood every year. These awards came about as a response to the glut of sub-par and downright terrible films that are released in Bollywood every year. Created by Karan Anshuman and Prashant Rajkhowa, the awards feature 13 categories, including Worst Actor and Actress, Worst Couple, Worst Film, Worst Director, and Worst Story Rip-Off.
The event was recently held at 'The Comedy Store' in Mumbai, where these 13 nominees bagged awards in their respective categories for being the absolute WORST at what they do! Here are 2012's Ghantas Winners:
Worst Breakthrough (for the worst new actor/actress): Nargis Fakhri for Rockstar
Worst Couple: Ranbir Kapoor and Nargis Fakhri for Rockstar
Worst Item Number of the year: Dhinka Chika from the film Ready
Worst Supporting Actress: Hazel Keech for Bodyguard
Worst Supporting Actor: Prateik Babbar for Dhobi Ghat, Aarakshan, Dum Maaro Dum and My Friend Pinto
That's Anything But Sexy: Kangna Ranaut for anything involving Kangna Ranaut in Rascals
WTF Was That: Sonam Kapoor and Shahid Kapoor for how Sonam Kapoor (Aayat) & Shahid Kapoor (Harry) don't manage to exchange phone numbers for over 10 years in Mausam... (and Sonam Kapoor was a great sport; she showed up to the awards and collected her ghanta in person!)
Worst Story Ripoff: Desi Boyz
Worst Actor: Salman Khan for Bodyguard and Ready
Worst Actress: Nargis Fakhri for Rockstar
Worst Director: Anees Bazmee for Ready and Thank You
Worst Film: Ra.One
Hosting and featuring in the show were some of Mumbai's finest comedians, including the likes of Varun Grover, G. Khamba, Varun Thakur, Aditi Mittal and Karan Talwar.
Given that they did such a stellar job, we thought we'd bring you the absolute best jokes of the night.
Best introduction bits:
"Welcome to the 2nd Annual Ghantas where we are celebrating the worst of Bollywood, which honestly speaking is MOST of Bollywood."
"Last year, when we did this at a much smaller venue, only 100 watching it live and another 86 watching it online, and still we are back this year. You know, because if 'Housefull' can have a sequel and 'Apna Sapna Money Money' can have a sequel, then we deserve a second chance too!"
"We're not here to demean cinema, or demean Bollywood. We're here to actually celebrate their courage. You know the courage that makes a David Dhawan wake up once very 2 years and tell himself that the world needs more crap from me! Or the courage that tells Sanjay Dutt that he has no paunch!"
(While nominating Nargis Fakhri and Ranbir Kapoor as potential 'worst on-screen couple') "You have to be seriously untalented to not be able to show even a little bit of chemistry when you have the word f**k in your surname!"
The best banter during 'Worst Song' award:
Q: What did the fork say to the spoon? A: Wanna be my chammach chalo?
Q: What does my stomach say to me when i have diarrhea? A: Stomach chalo!
(More on 'Chammak Challo') "This song needs to be abolished because it's sung by a convict and it has become the anthem of eve teasers in Gurgaon!"
(And some on the Dum Maaro Dum remix) "They carefully deconstructed the entire original song 'Dum Maaro Dum' and then put it back together in exactly the same way!"
The best banter during the 'Worst Film' award:
Promo tagline for Mausam - "Mausam...the opposite of awesome!"
The best banter during the 'Worst Supporting Actress' award:
(On Giselli Monteiro) Red Chillies Entertainment normally likes to give face time to young faces; you know, like Shah Rukh Khan, Rani Mukerji. In this movie, she plays a white girl dying to join Bollywood, so she wears a lot of Indian clothes even. Isn't it funny when white women try to fit into our Indian culture by wearing our clothes? As if it makes us want to f*** them any less!
(On Raveena Tandon in 'Buddha Hoga Tera Baap') You know, surprisingly when this movie came out, Raveena was in the news because her dog ran away. Which brings to mind that theory that animals are supposed to predict a natural disaster!
(On Hazel Ketch) Hazel Ketch's real name is Rose Dawn, which makes her the only woman in Bollywood with TWO pornstar names!
(On Mallika Sherawat in her 'Jalebi Bai' avataar) Normally when something hot, hard and curved is around her, it finds its way into her p***y!
Amy Jackson is the only Jackson in history to turn from white to black JUST to be in Bollywood!
The best banter during the 'Best Supporting Actor' award:
The only reason Om Puri is still making movies is because the only other way he can make money is if he rents his face out as a golf course! NASA actually simulated the moon landing...on his face!
Prateik Babbar... continuing the Babbar legacy of no one giving a f*** about them!"
The best banter during the 'WTF Was That' award:
Kangana is so stupid that she went to get her breast enhancement done...from Dr. Vijay Mallya!
In fact, she's so dumb she thinks Shiv Sena is a very popular F1 driver!
Desi Boyzz was rated A because children should not be subjected to Akshay Kumar.
Did you guys know there's a Ra.One PS game? So there's some truth to the statement that it takes a joystick to get SRK going!
The best banter during the 'Holier-than-thou' award:
(While describing the category) These movies are so fake even Simi Garewal's face seems real in front of them!
(On 'That Girl In Yellow Boots') Anurag Kashyap had to sell 600,000 tickets to break even. He ended up selling 20,000. 10,000 of those were sponsored by BATA!
Murder 2 and Murder 1 have nothing do with each other. In fact, they're copies of two completely separate movies. Going by that theory, if Mahesh Bhatt were to make another film on the Gandhi assassination he'd call it Murder 3!
Jaccky Bhagnani is so dumb he thinks the opposite of mad is nomad.
Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji was the first comedy by Madhur Bhandarkar though not really. Fashion was pretty hilarious too!
(On Bheja Fry 2) The original 'Bheja Fry' was a copy of the French film, 'Dinner Game.' And the mistake these people made was to make a sequel before THEY made a second film.
The best banter during the 'Worst Actress' award:
(On Nargis Fakhri) Now for those of you who saw 'Rockstar' you'll remember that in the 2nd half her blood count starts dropping. *long pause* Well, that's because she saw her acting in the first half of the movie!
(On Jacqueline Fernandes) We can all agree that her choice of roles is very bad. But then again, anything looks better in comparison to her choice of boyfriends!
(On Bipasha Basu) It was really difficult to tell the difference between who was Rana and who was Bipasha in their intimate scene! And then i found a way... the one with biceps is Bipasha.
Best banter during the 'Worst Director' award:
(On Anubhav Sinha) He's a really consistent guy. His first film some 12-odd years ago made about 30-40 lakhs and it's a great mark of his consistency that even his 150 crore film has made 30-40 lakhs only!
(On Anees Bazmi) You know even if this guy makes a re-make of 'Inception' one day, there will definitely be at least 3-4 heroes. It will then be about these 3-4 heroes having 3-4 extra-marital affairs within 3 layers of their dreams! And in the end, the top layer will definitely fall because these 3-4 heroes will see their hot heroine wives as well as one hot chick and maybe a chimpanzee or gorilla depending on the availability in the market!"
(On Pankaj Kapoor) Pankaj Kapoor becoming a director is the actor community's revenge on director Anurag Kashyap attempting to act!"
(On Rohit Dhawan) I think his first failure in life is that he looks like Aftab Shivdasani!
The Highlight of the Night:
Sonam Kapoor was the only star who had the gumption to show up and accept her award in the 'WTF Was That' category! In fact, she came equipped with jokes of her own and immediately said, "Finally I've won an award!"
Later in the night, when Grover commended her for having the courage to show up, she laughed. And then he quipped, "You've displayed that same sense of humor the year before as well when you did a film called 'Aisha!' Please keep trying to win these awards!'
We admit we definitely have way more respect for this fashionista-turned-actress now!
And if you're interested in seeing the video of the entire event, just click 'play' below.
-Pictures courtesy The Ghantas-
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