It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
A young aspiring Bollywood starlet went to lodge an F.I.R. at a police station. Reporting the matter to the police inspector, she said, "Sir, this film producer is a real beast. Yesterday night, he called me to his apartment and assaulted me sexually."
"But why didn't you protest or raise a cry there and then?" asked the inspector.
"No, that time I didn't suspect he was playing a dirty game with me," replied the heroine-to-be.
"So, when did you get to know that?" asked the inspector.
"It was when he showed me the exit without paying any signing amount," chirped the starlet.
Lost In Translation
At great expense, a Bombay film producer brought a young girl from a small town of Uttar Pradesh and groomed her for stardom. Finally, she was given a leading role.
When the film was released, one critic wrote that she was beautiful, charming and poignant. His column had only been out an hour when the producer telephoned the critic.
"We put a fortune into the girl," he shouted, "and you ruin her with one column. You know she isn't married and you say she's pregnant!"
After shooting a scene inside a jail, the director of the film went to thank the warden.
"Thank you very much, Warden Saheb. Your cooperation was very helpful for our film," he said.
The warden replied, "Think nothing of it. It was my duty to help you. Please remember in future that the doors of my prison are always open for you and all your friends!"
Bollywood Filmmaking Rules
1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
3. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.
4. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
5. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
b) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die).
7. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
8. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.
9. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero, saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.
Q: How many directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100. 1 to do it, and the other 99 to give interviews saying that they could have done that, only better and for less money.
-Pictures © Thinkstock-
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