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Malti Bhojwani is a certified life coach who offers her services at Multi Coaching International. In addition to teaching people how to negotiate effectively, she's helped scores of corporates, educational institutes, and individuals better themselves using her unique coaching techniques. She's also launched a series of videos offering tips and advice; check them out here.
Earlier, Malti Bhojwani had discussed a few simple negotiation techniques. You can find those here. However now, she will delve into another aspect of negotiation that can be used in all your relationships.
Need For Negotiation
You may be wondering why this is a skill one needs to learn at all. The answer to this is very straightforward. When you want something and the person you are working with wants something else, then there is a conflict. It feels like a tug of war and if you can see that you are both on the same side and both deserve to be happy, it is exactly where this need comes in handy.
Most of the disappointments and ill feelings in offices and relationships are caused by unfulfilled needs or desires, when all that is needed is for each party to be able to make requests of each other. But we complain when people don’t deliver instead of asking them specifically for what we want. We unreasonably expect others to instinctively know what we expect, saying it is “obvious” or “common sense.”
Well, guess what they say about common sense? It isn’t very common! Mostly because what is obvious to one person may not be obvious to another, and this has nothing to do with their intelligence, but rather with their cultural, professional, gender, generational or even educational background.
In ontological coaching--in which I am trained by Newfield Network--we believe that in order to be clearly understood and have better relationships and results, one thing we can do is to make powerful requests. To explain this in detail, I will need you to bear with me while I break requests down to a few essential parts so that we can understand how and why it is effective in negotiations.
The six elements of a powerful request are as follows:
1). Committed Speaker
2). Committed Listener
3). Future Action and Conditions of Satisfaction - The opportunity for negotiation is in these 2 areas alone.
4). Timeframe - Timeframe is fairly simple, when the request is going to be fulfilled. Condition of satisfaction is the main criteria for the successful delivery of any request. So for example, I want the files for customers ranging from A-K to be evaluated for feedback and follow up business by the end of June 2012. But I only say, “Sandy, can I please have a report on the customer files” I have not been very clear.
5). Mood of the Request - Anything said in the wrong mood, is wrong.
6). Context: Shared Understanding - This is crucial in negotiations. This is the bit that we are lazy to talk about and we assume the other person should know. Asking “Are you OK with me being here, so we can make doubly sure we are on the same page?" Or saying "I don’t mean to insult your intelligence, but I want to explain why this is so important to me" will make the other person understand why you are being so specific. Answering the question “why” before you request for “what” you want is very helpful in negotiation, and giving reasons may make it easier for the listener to accept.
This is the main area to look at to build your negotiations.
When the request is very specific, negotiations can take place because both parties know what the desired outcome is specifically, and then they can evaluate the trade they are willing to make.
Remember, that the only successful negotiations are the ones where both parties win, because that is the only way to ensure a long-lasting relationship. Both sides need to feel comfortable with what their goal is and what they are willing to trade. Disagreements and conflict are not bad as they give rise to the need for negotiations, and negotiations usually result in satisfaction.
Good news for our readers, as Malti Bhojwani is coming out with a new book on June 29, 2012. Entitled Don't Think of a Blue Ball, this self-help guide is published by Om Books International, and contains invaluable techniques and pointers charted out by this renowned life coach.
You can find many more useful tips and techniques by Malti Bhojwani here.
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