It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
Just Like My Wife
A drunk walked into a bar and after staring for some time at the only woman seated in there, walked over to her and hugged her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound just like her.”
Overall Bad Day
There was a guy at a bar looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and simply drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to work so my boss fires me.
When I leave the building to get my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!”
Spielberg The Iceberg
A Chinese person walks into a bar in the USA late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. As he is a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”
The astonished Chinese man replies “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my relatives were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese man replies, “Carlsberg, Iceberg, Spielberg, you’re all the same.”
Best Time To Leave A Bar
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then asks the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and requests yet another drink.
The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket every time you order one."
The businessman replies, “I’m looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
A bartender asks a customer, "What happened? You look terrible!"
The dejected man replies, "I had it all--money, a beautiful house, the love of an amazing woman…"
The bartender inquires, "Then… what went wrong?"
The man says, "Well, then my wife found out!"
-Picture courtesy Thinkstock-
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