It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. [In binary code, 10 means 2!]
If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0!
I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features!
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!
The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better." So, I installed Linux!
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila!
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their computers to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa: “My computer has a 500 GB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 GB. Can’t you carry even this much?”
Banta: “But yours is empty and my disk is full!"
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So down they sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused away. They did spreadsheets, they wrote reports, they sent faxes, they sent out e-mail, they sent out e-mail with attachments, they downloaded, they did some genealogy reports, they made cards, they did every known job. But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, lightning flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. And of course the electricity went off.
Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved, all to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit, the rains stopped and the electricity came back on. Satan screamed, "I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?"
Jesus just sat and smiled.
Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done. As Jesus turned his computer back on the screen glowed and when he pushed "print it", it was all there. "How did he do it." Satan asked? God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."
Point Of Reference
There was a pilot flying a small single-engine charter plane that had a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles of visibility when his instruments failed. So he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.
Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"
To this, the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane."
The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to make a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."
Why computers should be considered masculine:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers should be feminine:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
-Picture courtesy Thinkstock-
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