Prayer for the New Year

Dear Lord,

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I haven't masturbated or even cheated on my wife. I haven't lied or conned anyone. I'm very thankful for that.  

But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed and go to work on this, the first day of the first month, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen


Bad Dreams

Priyanka was taking an afternoon nap on new year's eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Adil, her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring as a new year's present. What do you think it means?"

"Aha, you'll know tonight," answered Adil as he smiled.

At midnight, as the new year was chiming, Adil approached Priyanka and handed her a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams!"


A Special Lecture

On new year's eve, Aditya was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 4 o'clock in the morning?" asked the police officer.

"I'm on my way to a lecture," answered Aditya confidently.

"And who on Earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?" enquired the constable sarcastically.

"My wife," replied Aditya, grimly.


A New Year’s Resolution

A friend asks his friend, Rahul, for a cigarette.

Rahul says “I think you made a new year’s resolution to quit smoking?”

So he replies, “I am in the process of quitting. Right now I am in the middle of phase 1.” 

“What's phase 1?”

“I've quit buying!” 


New Year Wish

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

What happened next was embarrassing.  As the clock struck 12, the bartender was almost crushed to death.


-Pictures courtesy Thinkstock-

Humour, jokes, New year, eve, funny

Post your comment