It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
Since the dawn of time, gender has created a great divide between men and women. We'll never admit this to a woman, but it's a well established fact that the female is the smarter (and deadlier) of the species. So it's all the more fun when we get to poke fun at them!
The Ideal Floor Plan
A store in which a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men has just opened. The store has 6 floors, and the men have increasingly positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back dow--except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shop to find herself a husband.
On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking.
"Hmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. But, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
Thinks the woman, "Oh, how wonderful! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Please shut the door on your way out and have a nice day!
The Easier Option
While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it.
A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish.
The man replies, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for years, and I don't have time to waste"
"Alright, one" the guy responds.
"Here's my wish: I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii. I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii."
This pisses the genie off.
He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical."
"Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate tectonics, the continental shelf. . ."
"Geez" the guy responds, "Well, instead of that, I'd really like to understand women."
The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four on your bridge? "
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man, surprised at her rational response, replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
Says the man, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years, and how much worse than her could you be?"
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for medium, and $14,000 for large.
The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen. I'll take the small please."
-Picture courtesy Thinkstock-
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