All In The Mind

A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor's orders, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his secretary asks him how he's doing.

"It's going fine, " the manager says. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, 'To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'"

"Really? What happens then?" the secretary asks.

"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? You must be kidding!'"


The Ball Study

After a two-year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

- The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.

- The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.

- The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: American football.

- The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.

- The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.

- The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become!


No Pain, No Gain

A married couple go to hospital together to have their baby delivered. When they arrive, the doctor says they have just taken delivery of a new machine which transfers a portion of the mother's pain to the father.

"Would you be willing to try it out?" asks the doctor.

"Yes of course," says the husband, who is very much a sensitive new-age guy. As the woman goes into labour, the doctor sets the machine to 10 percent and asks the man if it hurts.

"No, it's fine," he says. The doctor raises the setting to 20 percent. "Still okay," says the man. The doctor gradually lifts the setting to 50 percent. The husband closes his eyes and grits his teeth, but insists he can cope without any problem, so the doctor raises it gradually to 75 percent.

"I can take it," says the husband. "Give me the full 100 percent." So the doctor does, and the wife bears the baby with no pain at all. When the couple take their baby home, they find the wife's tennis coach dead on their doorstep!


Fishy Tennis

Q: Why are fish never good tennis players?

A: They don't like getting close to the net.


Tennis Ball

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, 
waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the blonde sympathetically, "That must be painful... I had tennis elbow once."


Car Accident

A badminton player and a tennis player get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the badminton player spots the other's tennis gear and says, "So you're a tennis player, that's interesting. I'm a badminton player... Gosh! Just look at our cars, there's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The tennis player replies, "I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The badminton player continued, "And look at this... Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the tennis player. The tennis layer nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big gulps from the bottle, then hands it back to the badminton player.

The badminton player takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the tennis player. The tennis player asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The badminton player replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police to turn up!"


Basic Tennis Riddle

Q: What do you serve but not eat?

A: A Tennis Ball.

humour, tennis, jokes, funny, balls

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