It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
Bird on the Windshield
One day, a guy was on his way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as he sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into his windshield. If that wasn't strange enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.
Just then the light turned green and there the guy was with a bird stuck on his windshield. Without any other apparent options, he turned on the windshield wipers to try to get rid of the bird. It actually worked. On the upswing, the bird flew off, and it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind him. Unfortunately, the car behind him was a police car.
Immediately the lights went on and he was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told him that he saw what had happened at the light. The officer simply stated, ''I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.'' ["flipping the bird" is slang for showing someone your middle finger!]
Fishing and Driving
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a waiting cop car, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair--there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"
Wrong Side of the Road
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Upon answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Sharing New Yorker
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk. He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"Okay," the man says, "You take the front wheels and I'll take the back. Deal?"
I was recently riding with a friend of mine.
We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, "Why'd you do that?" He tells me this is how his brother drives.
We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, "Why'd you do that?" Again, he tells me this is how his brother drives.
We come to a green light, and he slams on the brakes. My heart nearly goes into my throat. I shout at him, "Why do you do that?!"
He replies, "You never know, my brother could be coming the other way."
10 things NOT to say to a cop who pulls you over
1. I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. You must've been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me! good job!
5. Excuse me, could you please hold this while I reach for my gun?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
9. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
10. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of drugs, my gun fell out of my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Men and Dogs
Q: Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving!
-Pictures courtesy Thinkstock-
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