It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
A couple of women were playing golf on a Sunday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!", she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away an laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
The Generous Husband
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after finishing 18 holes. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?" "Honey, It's me."
"Are you at the club?"
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2012 at a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, tennis court, acre of park area, beach front property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $1.5 million... a magnificent price for the location, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $1.3 million OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
The Virgin Golfer
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."
He immediately drops his pants and replies, "Me too! Look at this, it's still in the original packaging!"
Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes.
Nick says to Lou, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day."
Lou agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Lou is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Nick.
After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a two-stroke penalty, Lou pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground.
"I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.
Nick looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?"
"What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!"
"And a liar, too!" Nick says with amazement.
"I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!"
A golfer hit his ball into a ravine.
His buddies heard `whack, whack, whack' on and on, until finally he got the ball out.
His buddy asked, "How many strokes did it take you to get out of there?"
He said, "three."
"But," his buddy said, "I heard seven."
He replied, "Four of them were echoes."
-Picture courtesy Reuters-
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