It's not hard to reason this one but you migh...
George W. Bush is scheduled to speak at the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Nervous, he asks for a teleprompter.
On the day of the speech, he takes to the podium and starts, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh."
An aide quickly rushes to his side and whispers, "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is below that!"
Half A Second Faster
American swimming champion Michael Phelps is sitting alone in a corner in his locker room, when his friend asked him, "What's up Mike?"
Phelps says, "There's good news and bad news..."
"What's the bad news?" asks the friend.
Phelps replies, "They found a picture of me smoking pot."
The friend asks, "And the good news?"
Phelps replies, "I did it half a second faster than the French guy!"
Three American citizens were standing outside the stadium where the Olympics were being held, bemoaning the fact that none of them could afford a ticket.
All three wanted SO much to be able to see the athletes from their native land compete.
They watched as the competitors entered through a special back gate by telling the guard their country and event.
One of the three friends looked around and found a length of pipe lying on the ground.
He hefted it to his shoulder, walked to the gate and told the guard "England. High jump." And the guard let him in!
"That's fantastic!" cried the second friend. He looked around, picked up a manhole cover, and headed for the special gate. "Russia. Discus," he told the guard, and in he went.
"Amazing" said the third friend, who by now was frantically searching around. But all he could find was some barbed wire. He grabbed it, ran to the gate, and announced "Poland. Fencing."
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by a dive for which he did three rotations in jackknife position before he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool!
She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly! After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said, "I was a hooker in Alabama and I worked both sides of the Tennessee River."
Newspaper headlines in Canada before, during and after Jamaican-Born Canadian sprinter, Ben Johnson, was found to have used illegal steroids.
First Headline: "Canadian Sprinter Wins Gold in 100 metres!
Second Headline: "Jamaican-Canadian Athlete Tests Positive for Steroids!"
Third Headline: "Jamaican Athlete Stripped of Gold Medal."
-Picture courtesy Thinkstock-
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